'Ma'am, I'll just turn my screen and we'll take a look at your daughter's height and weight'. For the first time I sat at the 'desk' with my daughter (4 months at the time). Freshly recovered, hormonally not at my best, tired from the sleepless nights and for weeks I didn't know what I was doing exactly. So my condition was not great. There you are, staring at some meaningless streaks on a computer screen. “As you can see, your daughter is lighter than average. Can you explain to us why this is?' I can't remember the exact words, but I had to account for the weight of my baby. Because someone, I've probably never heard of, decided that from that moment on my daughter didn't fall within certain standards. I would have preferred to have thrown that woman out with the computer and all, because there was nothing wrong with my daughter. Fortunately, despite all my flaws, I could contain myself and I only looked at her with open mouth.
Why were these frameworks created? Because who exactly falls within those frames and is it so wrong not to be exactly as someone has thought we should be?
Call me a disaster tourist, but I can sometimes entertain myself for hours reading hard-hitting comments on Social Media. People try incredibly hard to raze another to the ground, or just pound them into the ground. Sometimes I chuckle at what they say, but actually it's too sad for words. What gives us the right to criticize someone else's being so and put ourselves above that other?
In fact, we are all the same to some degree. I think we've all looked at a child at one time or another and haven't made a fair judgment about it. Is what you saw, thought or said based on facts? Or are you perhaps overlooking a specific care question? Is a child really 'difficult' or does the child show certain behavior because it needs something? Is there something wrong? Or is the child simply 'different' from others?
Let me briefly take you into my world. Where my daughter of almost 5 years is 'different'. Different in the sense that her brain doesn't work the way it does most of us.
Her stimulus processing takes a little longer than with other children. And if her day is just a little too busy and lasts too long, I can count on a hysterical fit of crying. And with a little luck, no tantrum.
Often in those situations I acted out of ignorance. I criticized her behavior. Thought it was exaggerated and could sometimes get mad at her. Then she had to go to her room and the behavior was only reinforced. I thought my child was exhibiting very difficult behaviour. Until a quarter fell. Wasn't what she did part of how I treated her?
I did research, asked for help and guess what: she is highly sensitive. The behavior that I framed as difficult suddenly became very logical. And perhaps naturally. I looked back at situations and understood her reaction. A day in which she first went to school, then to the after-school care and then to pick up something from grandma is way too much. She has received a lot of stimuli throughout the day, but has never had the time and space to process this in her way. Suddenly it made sense for her to become hysterical.
I keep reading, deepening my knowledge and asking for help where necessary. Because with the right guidance she can see her sensitivity as a strength, not as a burden.
What I want to say with this is that children can sometimes display behavior that appears difficult at first glance, but can be explained very well. Of course we would prefer children who fall under the heading 'normal' so that we can use an unambiguous approach. But as I said; who is really average?
Since this lockdown, and especially since I discovered how my own child actually works, I read many articles through our SKO Childcare Academy about being 'different'. From giftedness to autism. A group at daycare consists of so many different children who all require a different approach. And even though I know only a little bit of everything, maybe I just recognize that one thing in one of the children. And hopefully that one bit of information can offer a different approach and I can make a world of difference for the child.
*small side note; her father went to the office once. Since then no more questions/comments. They glanced at him and they knew enough…
Greetings,
Marit (pedagogical employee SKO)
